Mumma V Cockroach

Scene...

It is 2am. Butterfly has not let me sleep a wink yet (she is waking every 10 to 30 minutes, just long enough that Mumma is drifting off, but not ASLEEP!) I am lying there feeding her when I feel a scratch on my face... disgusted, I flick it off! WHACK! It hits the wall on the other side of the room. Its a damn cockroach! Arrrgh! YUCK! I hate cockies, we had the house sprayed but we didn't do our bedroom as Butterfly was sleeping in there at the time. If this sucker is pesticide affected he ain't showing it...

I try to lie back down when Butterfly is finished and go to sleep. But this is a big one. I can HEAR him scratching around a box on my drawers. I wish I could kick hubby out of bed to kill it, but he is on call so he is sleeping in the spare room. I try to put up with it, surely this cockie will just get bored in here and run out under the door? I mean there is nothing for him to EAT in here? Not so. Butterfly stirrs again, and while feeding her he appears on my doona. I flick him off again. Now I can hear him scratching around our shelf. It makes my skin crawl. He is making me mad, he won't leave me alone!

I must interrupt here to say that I am the biggest advocate of insect rights. I used to get into fights with a girl at school who used to kill ants in horrible ways because they dared to walk near her at lunch. I even felt sad earlier in the night when I saw a big tree ant dying in the bathroom from the pesticides. I always make hubby catch and release spiders instead of killing them...

However this son of a BITCH cockroach has pissed me off. Maybe it is because I haven't gotten any sleep. Whatever the reason, he is about to pay big time! The final straw for me was when I heard him scratching on the other side of the room, and then seconds later he appeared, crawling around Butterfly's cot. EFF YOU MR COCKROACH! He is far too active, he has done his dash... so when he makes it onto my pillow I flick him as hard as I can.

BAM! He hits the dressing table. He is lying there (not DEAD of course), but I gave him one helluva headache. The only thing I can find to "finish" the job is one of Butterfly's tiny shoes that is on the table for some reason. I prod him... he jumps up and scuttles off... BAM! I hit him with her shoe. Now he has a migraine. I use the shoe to flick him out the bedroom door. BAM! I hit him again. He is still. I prod him, and he tries to scuttle off! This shoe is too small and light. So I look for another weapon. I choose an old powder bottle. WHAM! Now he is a paraplegic. WHAM! Quadriplegic. THUMP! Being a cockie, he is still alive, but he's fooked now. I forget my eco mission and pick him up with a massive handful of toilet paper. Then he gets a water burial.

Mumma 1... Mr Cockroach 0. Don't mess with me vermin, it doesn't take much to peeve me off at 2am!

Do you know the bit that annoyed me the most? My Butterfly, who was waking infuriatingly often, slept through the whole thing. The ordeal lasted at least 20 minutes (I was rather slow to choose my weapons, and even slower to get the courage to pick up and flush the battered body). I was making one helluva racket. BAM! WHAM! THUMP! SQUEAL! Sound asleep.

Until I got back to bed... sigh.

*YAWN*