Thursday, September 23, 2010

Driving in the city is the DEBIL!

OK so today was SUCH a debarcle that I have to laugh about it!

I was invited to Nest Nappies in Paddington (the CITY! Gasp!) too meet the loverly Elizabeth. Now, normally I wouldn't venture past the Juliette Street exit. That was my limit. All of the one way streets, crazy traffic, makes me hyperventilate! But being all growed up and such, I thought I'd have a crack.

So we had swimming first. We hadn't been for a month due to a bunch of random reasons, so Butterfly was VERY excited to be in the pool! She was playing "Up! Down!" in the pool, which led to her swallowing copious amounts of that chloriney water. Pay attention to that fact, it comes into play later. I tried not to get my hair wet but B and her little friend, lets call him Billy, had a splashathon. God love em!

When I was at the swimming hall I overheard a conversation, apparently I had stolen someones car park (I knew it was me when they described the car), but I swear I didn't see them! I even remember thinking, "Wow, can't believe no one has already claimed this one!" And I LOOKED! Pfft anyway, I was panicking as I got to the car, I so expected them to have keyed it or something. Luckily they hadn't.

I calmed down as I drove away, but as I passed Juliette Street the blood pressure rose again! I had memorised the route on Google maps, I had my phone GPS talking to me (a useful function hubby had found the night before) so I was fairly confident. BUT then as I hit the city poor Butterfly started to vomit in the back. Scary vomiting, I was petrified she'd choke. (Theres all that pool water :S) So I had to pull into the nearest side street to cuddle and change her. Trouble is, it was a one way street, I couldn't turn around and reclaim my route, I was FOOKED.

So I held my phone in a trembling hand, trying to listen to GPS man. Only I didn't like him. He kept telling me directions two turns ahead, and I got them mixed with the directions he was telling me to follow then and there! "100 meters, turn left. 600 meters, turn right. Turn left now." WHAT? Also, GPS man, "turning" in my book is steering your car down another street, not just veering with the natural bends in the road. You confusing DOUCHE! Also: I think he took me the bendiest, most confusing route just for funsies.

So then I get lost in Paddington backstreets, and meanwhile Butterfly has started vomiting AGAIN! Should I now mention that was the only other clean shirt I had for her? So with a mixture of ass, GPS man and intuition I finally found Nest Nappies! Woo! I stagger in the door with a topless, upset baby, reeking of spew and ready for fun!! Elizabeth, bless her, offered one of her baby shirts for Butterfly to wear, but it wouldn't fit over her melon. SIGH.

We actually had a great afternoon, Elizabeth is super funny and also especially lovely! I also met Nicole of Krap Katchers, who is also a lovely lady! Butterlfy cruised around the courtyard half nekked, bathing in the dirt, tipping rocks on herself and drawing on her tummy with my pen. Bless her little heart!

When it was time to go, I had to put some clothes on B or her car straps annoy her. ALL I HAD... was a hooded winter jacket (it was HOT by the way). Should have seen the look she gave me when I put it on her, all, "MUM! Are you NUTS?" I bunged her straight in the air conditioned car (froze MY tits off, as I wasn't wearing a ski jumper!) and off we went. My love/hate relationship with GPS man began again, and only one wrong turn later we were on the highway, south of the Juliette street exit, and all was right with the world.

Next time I'm taking the fucking bus.


  1. Thanks for the laugh. Ah shit, that was a crack up.

  2. But it was so worth it because next rime you'll know where to come without the douche bag GPS man!! It was a joy having you and your supremely gorgeous naked baby xo

  3. Hahahaha glad its not just me that detests the GPS! Mine took me into brisbane city to get to the gold coast (bear in mind we don't even have a STOP sign here!!) I have never been closer to a heart attack!